i popped!

this week is where, i think, my belly made the transition from inexplicable-weight-gain to pregnant tummy (i mean, i LOVE potato chips but c’mon guys, i have some self-respect). samantha, the pastry chef at work, was the first to point it out and after that, each day, more and more people exclaim: “look at that belly!”
i’m still waiting for a customer to point it out–knowing that will be when i either a) REALLY look like an undeniably pregnant woman or b) just encountered someone who doesn’t know the etiquette that you are not to comment on someone’s possible pending pregnancy unless they have told you themselves they are pregnant (lest they are not pregnant and are just well-endowed in the torso area).

i’m in pajamas with bed head (and so unashamed) bc we got a call from our midwife this morning that our monthly meeting is postponed since they are at a birth. jonathan and i were fine with this–actually a little happy–since we know one day in july, if all goes as planned, we will be giving birth in our tiny home with the assistance of two amazing midwives and that other people and their appointments will just have to wait for our little bean to be born.

so grooming was postponed, pictures ensued, pancakes were eaten and now piles of laundry are waiting to be folded and put away.
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i’m thankful my tummy isn’t the only thing that’s getting bigger.

if you know what i mean.
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here is me at week 16. my belly isn’t actually that big. it’s just the LBD i’m wearing that i only have a few more days to fit into and so squeezed into on a hot date w jonathan. somehow, it miraculously emphasized my growing belly.by the end of the night my back zipper was all the way down just so i could breathe.

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Grave, my wife lies back, hands cross
her chest, while the doctor searches early
for your heartbeat, peach pit, unripe

plum–pulls out the world’s worst
boom box, a Mr. Microphone, to broadcast
your mother’s lifting belly.

The whoosh and bellows of mama’s body
and beneath it: nothing. Beneath
the slow stutter of her heart: nothing.

The doctor trying again to find you, fragile
fern, snowflake. Nothing.
After, my wife will say, in fear,

impatient, she went beyond her body,
this tiny room, into the ether–
for now, we spelunk for you one last time

lost canary, miner of coal
and chalk, lungs not yet black–
I hold my wife’s feet to keep her here–

and me–trying not to dive starboard
to seek you in the dark water. And there
it is: faint, an echo, faster and further

away than mother’s, all beat box
and fuzzy feedback. You are like hearing
hip-hop for the first time–power

hijacked from the lamppost–all promise.
You couldn’t sound better, break-
dancer, my favorite song bumping

from a passing car. You’ve snuck
into the club underage and stayed!
Only later, much, will your mother

begin to believe your drumming
in the distance–my Kansas City
and Congo Square, this jazz band

vamping on inside her.

Kevin Young

(today we heard our little bean’s heartbeat for the first time. this poem, found in one of my new yorkers, sums up exactly how we feel.)
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here i am at five weeks looking quite like a geek w not-so-good posture. five weeks pregnant is not much–really you’re 3 weeks pregnant and there aren’t many visible changes going on that you can see or feel (that didn’t come until the next week. thanks morning sickness).

at week 12 and 2 days we decided to announce our pregnancy. here’s a photo from the day after. as you can see, two months after my last photo i look, well, a bit chubby. it’s nice to have people know i’m preggers so we can share the excitement with others and (sometimes more importantly) there’s a legitimate excuse for the weight gain happening in my belly area.
it was week 11 that my jeans started feeling tight. and now i’ve taken to wearing some belly bands to extend the life of my shirts, which will soon be too small to cover my growing tummy. erica, my sister-in-law, graciously gave me a box filled with maternity clothes. i’ll be putting them to use sooner than i thought i would need to be. but this is also good bc i’m excited to be showing! and i’m really excited about what’s going on inside me.
today the baby is about the size of a nectarine. little bean is about 3″ tall and weighs anywhere from .75 to 1.25 ounces. morning sickness, which i was wracked with from 6 weeks until about 10 weeks, is still around but subsiding more and more. i don’t sleep as much as i was during those times but a nap during the day is still greatly appreciated.
and the dreams! holy crap the vivid WEIRD dreams i have been having! some too embarrassing to recall publicly but others just weird (like meeting a girl who could turn from herself to a horse and back again). and then there was the time i woke up angry at jonathan bc i dreamt he tipped the donut girl $10 bc “she was cute” (c’mon guys, he winked at her as we left the shop!). and then i did dream i gave birth to a girl. though the chinese gender prediction chart says we’re having a boy and we know how certain those things are.
any guesses on what gender it’s going to be??
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