Grave, my wife lies back, hands cross
her chest, while the doctor searches early
for your heartbeat, peach pit, unripe
plum–pulls out the world’s worst
boom box, a Mr. Microphone, to broadcast
your mother’s lifting belly.
The whoosh and bellows of mama’s body
and beneath it: nothing. Beneath
the slow stutter of her heart: nothing.
The doctor trying again to find you, fragile
fern, snowflake. Nothing.
After, my wife will say, in fear,
impatient, she went beyond her body,
this tiny room, into the ether–
for now, we spelunk for you one last time
lost canary, miner of coal
and chalk, lungs not yet black–
I hold my wife’s feet to keep her here–
and me–trying not to dive starboard
to seek you in the dark water. And there
it is: faint, an echo, faster and further
away than mother’s, all beat box
and fuzzy feedback. You are like hearing
hip-hop for the first time–power
hijacked from the lamppost–all promise.
You couldn’t sound better, break-
dancer, my favorite song bumping
from a passing car. You’ve snuck
into the club underage and stayed!
Only later, much, will your mother
begin to believe your drumming
in the distance–my Kansas City
and Congo Square, this jazz band
vamping on inside her.
[today we heard the heartbeat of our little bug. ramona and papa were perched next to mama’s head while maren worked her magic to amplify the sounds of the still teeny, moving, little squirm that’s located inside me somewhere behind my pubic bone. we weren’t expecting to hear it and so my heart did flips when we did. even though we’ve seen the heartbeat twice now on ultrasounds, there is just something so so magical about hearing it. i posted this same poem when we heart ramona’s heartbeat for the first time.]
Aaah. I love this. That may be my favorite moment of pregnancy. The first time I heard rains, I was so overcome by emotion that I lost my breath and made some kind of crazy noise that couldn’t be distinguished between a laugh or a cry. With ruby, I tried to stay calm but I felt the same way and let out this weird throaty giggle. Both reactions were amplified by the doppler.
Congratulations Emily. I am so excited for you and your family!